With all that has happened in 2020, and the holiday season well underway, it is especially important to pause briefly and reflect on how our anticipation of the holidays steers how we experience them. The holidays are a very sensitive time for everyone. Tending to relationships in a constructive way is one of the best gifts we can give to others and to experiencing ourselves. This entails examining the character of anticipation. Reflecting on anticipation’s character will give confidence that one is prepared to give one’s best efforts when engaging the holidays.
Many of us are already familiar with the concept of confirmation bias. For those of you who aren’t, confirmation bias is the idea that one gathers evidence that supports what one already believes. Confirmation bias proposes that perception is not objective, which is why it is typically a term used in inquiries regarding conscious rational hypotheses. However, since confirmation bias deals with how one’s disposition affects one’s perspective, it also is a phenomenon that is helpful to understand the breakdown of communication in relationships, which happen all too often over the holidays. Let me explain…
Sometimes referred to as the root of self-fulfilling prophecy, a pattern of confirmation bias cannot only place too much strain on one’s relationships but oneself. One collects perceptions that confirm one’s feelings. Thus, disappointing memories of past holidays (like an exchange with a loved one or a significant loss) affect how one perceives future holidays.
To counter act the damaging effects of confirmation bias, it is critical to identify the feelings associated with past events and how you responded to them. This slows down how one’s perceptions can go awry, providing more room to relax and respond closer to how one might normally by giving a different vantage to observe oneself and others.
You will know you are better prepared to engage the holidays when you are able to perceive the possibility of something new or different to actually happen. Further, by re-framing situations in view of your discoveries from reflecting on confirmation bias, you will gain the foundation and flexibility to not be surprised when the same thing old thing occurs. This is key. It will allow one to receive and enjoy efforts different than how you remember previously, no matter how small and inadequate.
Remember, change and the new emerge and take shape over time. Their first appearance may seem small and inconsequential, but of course, that’s how most significant things are (!). They start out small …a little break from the norm. But, through time, they may become something beautiful.
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