There is a harmful myth running amuck in our western individualistic culture. According to a recent survey, nearly half of Americans believe that seeking relationship coaching, counseling or some type of psychological therapy is a sign of weakness.
Presumably, the belief is that if a couple has a problem, they should work it out individually. While this may have a ring of truth to it depending on the issue, in more significant issues this belief runs counter to three important facts.
Statistical data: nearly three-quarter of those who participate in coaching or go to counseling or some sort of psychological therapy believe they benefited from it.
Counseling, coaching and/or psychological therapy have been linked to positive changes in the body and brain.
Basic reason to how we work out challenges due to our nature.
Human beings are the most social creatures on planet earth. Being human entails to be in relationship: life occurs in and through community, necessitating involvement in complex social systems (e.g. language, education, work, law, the arts, wisdom and faith traditions, etc). It follows that relational challenges are therefore worked out in community.
In turn, seeking “effective” coaching, therapy or counseling is a show of strength and not a sign of weakness. It is a humble and vulnerable recognition that help is needed. It also shows that a couple:
Is turning from denial to acceptance.
Has embraced human nature: we grow through relationship and not in isolation.
Wants to be active agent for change in their lives vs. being relegated to helplessness.
Is courageous: they have positioned themselves to bring change in their lives, which take strength, transparency, and a willingness to reckon with their fears.
Wants to learn new skills, helpful strategies, how to reflect together and how to communicate effectively.
In the next three blogs I will share with you who and what to look for to make the most out of coaching, psychological therapy or counseling experience. But, let me give you the primary ingredient first, which is irreducible and without it, coaching, therapy or counseling will not work. It is a simple stated ingredient that is profound in its implications, but one that is all too often rare and hard to maintain. Are you ready? It is: trust. Yep, trust. You will need to both trust the process and find a trustworthy coach, therapist or counselor. If you think about it, “trust” makes a lot of sense too: the very element that is perhaps taxed or waning in your relationship is the very thing needed to repair it.
By finding a trusted guide, I don’t mean that the coach, therapist or counselor agrees totally with your individual perspective. Rather, what I mean is that you will extend all the trust you can muster, seeing that your coach, therapist or counselor makes every effort to understand your perspective, needs, and situation all the while working to collaborate with both of you to make your investment as fruitful as possible. Your coach, therapist or counselor should build rapport with you by regularly checking in about how you feel things are going, giving you clear communication and providing constructive feedback.
In the next blog, I will share more about trust in discussing what personal elements to look for in the right coach, therapist or counselor for you.
Comments