Living in the modern fast-paced world, especially during the holiday season, is all too often full of simultaneous competing feelings and experiences, be it: savoring the moment vs. rushing, peace vs. conflict, thoughtfulness vs. drama, freedom vs. obligation, and the list goes on and on. During the holidays, many of us find ourselves relegated to pick between either being Scrooge or Santa …am I right (?) or am I right (!!!)? In the holiday setting how is equilibrium, center and margin found and maintained?
Fair or not, equilibrium seems especially difficult to maintain during the season on account of its historical and relationally sensitive nature. It seems during the holidays there is even more responsibility …an added pressure to be extra present with others and harmonious at all costs to avoid anything that might upset the proverbial apple cart.
To navigate the demands of the holidays involves choosing how we are going to frame every feeling and experience. There can be a lot of pressure during the holiday season, and so, the secret to survival begins with intentionally focusing oneself on how to interpret understanding oneself. Said another way, we must regularly exercise choice in how we are going to organize ourselves in response to all entailed in the season.
In this sense, choosing how to self-organize involves perceiving competing feelings and experiences as dissonance or productively as paradox. Let me explain more.
As both dissonance and paradox involve two competing feelings and experiences, we must consciously choose how to narrate the meaning of the holidays. Both dissonance and paradox whenever multiple feelings or experiences are simultaneously present, but their formative effects are much different. With the former, dissonance, one doesn’t know what to do with oneself in view of the competing feelings or experiences. One is left confused, lost, and too impoverished to even make a simple decision. With the latter, paradox, one operates from a place of equilibrium. He or she seeks to learn and find a new more productive meaning …a third way that mediates the competing feelings and experiences. Said another way, paradoxical meaning acknowledges initially different feelings or experiences as different, but finds a third (productive) option, which seeks to uncover new insights by sticking with them until they are unified into a cohesive story that brings purpose to the meaning.
We live in a chaotic conflicted world. It is no surprise, therefore, that effective living entails embracing paradox. In fact, abiding transformation involves embracing paradox. The paradox is that to grow, we need not only to accept, but welcome, learning our limitations. Embracing paradox is the very means by which to learn and communicate oneself as an integrated healthy person.
Maturity is not about having it all figured out but learning to live with competing feelings and experiences …learning anew to find a healthy fruitful life amid life’s many contradictions and chaos. We need to feel and experience life’s contradictions to surface the contradictions in ourselves and allow the opportunity to chart a new course. The competing feelings and experience of the holiday season provide the perfect occasion.
At interself, we support our clients in learning to chart a new path. Contact us today for a free consultation.
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